Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
