look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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