I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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