i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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