You can't motorboat a personality
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
