Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
