Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
