I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
