One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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