I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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