I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
