you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize