I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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