Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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