3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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