We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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