Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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