I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I smell like Dick and happiness
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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