is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
