In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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