she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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