found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
