I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
