So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
