Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
