when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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