Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
