i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
