Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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