It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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