This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
