i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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