Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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