Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pants are for mortals
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
