her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
