They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
