she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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