I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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