I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
