He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
