I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
