I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
