I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't deserve a penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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