Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize