pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize