I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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