No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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