I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
