i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
