I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
