those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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