I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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