The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
