You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
