I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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