mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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