Buhtt sex?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
