Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
