You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
