I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
