I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize