My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
