We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
