just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
