just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
