Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
