you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
