I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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