Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
