I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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