I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
