somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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