I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
