Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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