Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
