The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
