do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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