Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
