Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
