My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
