I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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