Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize