Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
