Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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