I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize