I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
