Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A+ Viking dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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