he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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