It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
