My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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