Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
