Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
