i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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