Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
