even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
