it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
