Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
