In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
