he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
