he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
