After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
