well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize